Back in October I wrote an encouraging letter to a pastor who had recently become my friend, and who was preparing to give a message at a conference that my wife and I would be attending. I have decided to include the guts of my letter as a post, hoping that it will be an encouragement to all of us.
I have been thinking a lot about your upcoming final message at the conference, “Living as a faithful parent in a hostile culture”. And I have been praying for you, your message, and your hearers. Karen and I have signed up for the conference, so we will see you there.
Parenting (and being a father, in particular), has been one of the great passions of my life for decades, both personally and as my ministry focus. In my long commutes to work each day last week I found myself thinking of you and your final message, and so many things came to mind. While I know you will be primarily sticking to Eph. 5:22 – 6:4, and the following is not particularly exegetical nor expositional, I hope you find the musings of one devoted Christ follower and dad helpful and encouraging.
First of all, in the name of your talk, there is that nasty little word near the end: hostile. While we indeed live in hostile times and in hostile territory governed by the “god of this world,” I think it is helpful for all of us to remember that Satan is God’s devil, and that his leash is only as long as God allows. So, as sojourners and strangers in difficult circumstances, we may yet live for God, alert and careful, but absolutely not defeated. As hard as faithful parenting can be, we can rest and exult knowing that we labor under God’s victorious hand.
And I think that living as a faithful parent is nearly as simple as living as a faithful Christian (which, of course, is not simple at all, but you know what I mean). The two roles, parent and Christ follower, are not separate, but forever bound; if we do the latter well, we will do the former well.
So as not to take up too much of your time, I have boiled my many additional thoughts down to just three. In my own life as a Christian and father for the last few decades, in my work as a churchman, and while helping other men and families, the following things seem to keep rising to the surface. (And while I realize that I am not going to say anything that you don’t already know; I hope it is an encouragement to you nonetheless.)
Live in the Word
I have long gotten over the shock and dismay that even within the church biblical illiteracy runs rampant. As parents, we must “long for the pure milk of the Word” and we must be able to “rightly divide” the Word of truth and we must “watch our life and doctrine closely.” We must understand the fundamental message of the gospel of God’s glorious salvation. God’s Word has life in it! And sound doctrine is important! We can’t proclaim it and live it if we don’t know it. I actually tell people to stop reading their bibles; and I mean reading in the sense that you would read any ordinary book: it’s not just something to check off your Christian to-do list so you feel you have done your duty! Ingest it! Digest it! Devour it! Study it! We must ask God to use His glorious Word to change us and grow our faith!
Proclaim the Word
We are called as Christ’s ambassadors and God has given us the ministry of reconciliation—and that great work begins at home. We parents must never forget that our first duty as ambassadors is not to shout the glorious gospel from the rooftop, but to shout if from inside the house (then go up on the rooftop). My son has two little daughters, ages three and one, and he understands that before he does anything, he is an evangelist and a missionary in his own home.
And we must proclaim the right Word (to reiterate two paragraphs above): we live in dangerous times, often up to our necks in a watered down, wishy-washy, feel-good, synergistic, hollow-promise, free-will “gospel” that doesn’t have the power to save or change anyone. We must proclaim the true gospel, and we must start at home, and we must never stop (we need the gospel every day.) As I heard Mark Dever (Capitol Hill Baptist Church) say recently, “What you win them with is what you win them to.” Anything but the truth wins no one.
Live out the Word
As Christians and parents we can know the Word, and we can proclaim the Word to our children, but we must also live the Word. Fail in this, and hypocrisy reigns; and we may be nothing more to our offspring but clanging cymbals.
One of the best things our children can ever witness is the God of the universe working in the lives of their own parents. For this to happen, we must submit to God’s authority in his Word and in his church, and let him chasten and change us—as God conforms us to the image of His Son, our children need to see the process. We must be transparent and vulnerable. We must not hide our struggles and flaws, nor puff ourselves up. Our kids know we’re not perfect, so we shouldn’t make it worse by pretending that we are.
We must let our kids see at the same time the rebel clay and the conforming hand of the sovereign potter. Defiance and correction. Resistance and restoration. They must watch the God of all that is sanctify their parents. My great hope for my children is that they see me as a falling down man who gets back up each time, not in his own strength, but because God is the lifter of his head. Transformation witnessed can be transforming in itself.
I want my children to see me live a life of utter trust and dependence. I want to be a living, breathing, speaking example of simul justus et peccator—at once wretched and forgiven, damaged by clinging sin, yet freed by God’s daily hand of grace. I want them to watch me fail, and repent, and trust, and forgive, and sacrifice (time, talent, resources), and work, and love (affection is so important), and do all the other things that God calls us to do, not out of obligation or fear, but by faith and hope and with great assurance.
I want to give them my time (time is the currency of childhood). I want them to see me love and cherish and respect and encourage and support their mom ( I know this is already one of your key points). I want to cultivate thankfulness and joy every day (regardless of circumstances). I want my children to watch me love God.
Our children must see us captured, captivated (your favorite words), and overwhelmed (my favorite word) by the glorious and indescribable mercies and grace of God. Even Calvin’s “subdued” isn’t nearly enough. We should be utterly at a loss for adjectives. As our children watch us walk through our lives, they should be thinking: “There goes my dad, living in Romans 11 again.” Oh, the depth…
I can tell by how fast my fingers are moving, that this is all getting away from me, so I will stop before I exhaust us both. This happens to me all the time, and I apologize for getting overly wound up. This stuff just means so very much to me, and I am often (to use an inadequate word) overwhelmed by what God has done and is still doing.
In one of your sermons last week you gave the wonderful illustration of the spotlights that shine each night upon the glorious façade of King’s College: We must be such lights for our children. If all we ever do is point our children to the ever-glorious Christ, we have done enough. Look unto Him!
Thanks for sticking with me to the end. Karen and I will see you on Friday. And we will be praying for you.
And we went to the conference, and it was great. And my friend didn’t use a single one of my points—which was fine, because his message was so much better anyway! 🙂